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Overt and Covert Boundary Crossings
There are two kinds of boundary violations: overt and covert. We know a lot about one half of boundary violations: the kind acted out in an anxious way. This first kind of boundary violation is...
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Own, Apologize, Repair: Coming Back to Integrity
There is a variation on ‘Not All Men.’ It is called ‘I Feel Bad When You Say That.’ My godson Kyle is six. He is fairly emotionally perceptive for his age, as his grownups have been working with him to...
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Two Models of Nurturance (Which One Are You?)
Of soup-friends and token-exchangers. I’ve noticed a pattern. (surprise!) It seems to me that two very different models exist of what people in our culture think we are doing when we nurture one...
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How to Cultivate Empathy for Gaslighting Survivors
The presidential debates have provided survivors everywhere with a gift. We have been speaking and speaking and speaking about the harm we experience at the hands of gaslighting men forever, and yet...
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Why Don’t Survivors Speak?
We often hear the question: “Why don’t survivors speak?” It’s not just for the reasons you think. Let’s take a journey inside the brain and nervous system of a survivor of gendered and/or racialized...
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le Gaslighting
Je n’arrête pas de discuter de ça, encore et encore. Ce truc, quand quelqu’un ruine ta perception de la réalité, et te dit que t’es timbrée, ou nie qu’un truc est en train de se produire au moment où...
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Out of the Attic: dissociation and social justice
Out of the Attic: dissociation and social justice This is a workshop created over three years from information gathered as I was learning about my own experiences and integrating. A sandbox version of...
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We need some good news today: six more ‘Nurturance Culture’ entries
Because the beautiful responses keep coming in, and because we need some good words today: six more replies to ‘Nurturance Culture’: 1. Nurturance is the feel of your bristly beard on my forehead as I...
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le Gaslighting
(English version here) Je n’arrête pas de discuter de ça, encore et encore. Ce truc, quand quelqu’un ruine ta perception de la réalité, et te dit que t’es timbrée, ou nie qu’un truc est en train de se...
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Resources for Dealing with Conflict and Harm
This page is a list of resources to help those around survivors of gendered harm begin or continue learning about good ways to respond. As anyone who has begun the process of supporting survivors will...
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Psychological Harm is Physical Harm 1: Abuse Shapes the Brain
The presidential debates, horrific as their results were, provided survivors everywhere with a strange, backwards gift. A recent piece notes: “It’s remarkable how many female viewers report feeling...
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Hold Together: We Need Conflict Skills Now More Than Ever
“Feminism taught me the difference between a conviction in the head and a change in the way you live.” –Stuart Hall, speaking of things he learned from Catherine Barrett From 1996 to 2005 I worked at a...
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Hold Together: We Need Conflict Skills Now More Than Ever (Part Two)
This is part two in a two-part series. For Part One please click here. Conflict Styles Conflict styles – each of our personal, familial, and cultural signatures, or our ‘fingerprint’ of strengths and...
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Hold Together: We Need Conflict Skills Now More Than Ever (part one)
“Feminism taught me the difference between a conviction in the head and a change in the way you live.” –Stuart Hall, speaking of things he learned from Catherine Barrett From 1996 to 2005 I worked at a...
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On Nurturance and Vulnerability in Academic Life
HI everyone! I’m doing a talk at SFU on Friday this week (Friday the 13th!). It’s the first time I’ve talked about this kind of work in any academic context, and the first time I’ve talked in public...
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